Many folks say that they prefer not to know where, when, or how they will die. And, of course, that is an acceptable and understandable position. For those who wish to explore the possibilities that make physical death less fearful, I propose considering the preferred method to exit, as if we were making the decision (which, by the way, we do, but that is another article).

I have come to recognize that my own lack of fear of death is quite unusual. When I was a little girl, I asked my mother about death. I was curious, but not afraid. Lovingly, she told me some fairy tale intended to comfort me because she assumed that I was afraid. I knew immediately that what she said was untrue, so when she left my bedside, I turned to my angel friends and asked them. Then I understood. I understood then beyond any words that I could have expressed. My lack of fear of death has allowed me to observe experiences that seem to be closed to others because of their fear.

So, I write this article lovingly.

In a Blazing Flame

When the Challenger went up in flames (January 28, 1986), my reaction after grieving for the losses was, "That's a great way to die!" To go quickly, in a blaze of glory, while furthering human knowledge, side by side with other brilliant persons, with nearly the whole world watching — this is a triumph of both life and death! It is a powerful exit.

If anyone is offended by my reaction, I apologize. I realize that this was one of the saddest moments in the space program. The losses to the families, the U.S., the scientific community as well as the world at large were great. I mourned and honored those involved. But since the topic of this article is preferred methods to die, it seems fitting that I share this experience with you.

I remember the moment. I was in my office (one mile from my home, the perfect commute), talking on the telephone with a client from Texas. His wife interrupted him to explain what had happened. I did not have a television in my office, so I had to wait until later to experience the full visual impact of the event. As I sat in my office, I looked through the long narrow windows into the woods and felt sad, not for those who died but for those who experienced the losses. It was not until a later perspective that I considered the glory of leaving the planet in this way.

In the Heat of Passion

The Challenger event happened a long time ago. These days, I consider that one of the ideal physical death experiences is the way in which Private Benjamin's husband died in the opening act of the movie that carries her name. She had just married; it was her wedding night. She became a widow right after the act of making love. While you do not see the scene on screen, you know that surely he died with a smile on his face.

While Dancing

A friend of mine, Azalea, is an avid dancer. She said, "my ideal death would be to die on the dance floor from a heart attack. I will be happy and well-dressed if I am dancing." Such an event did happen to a woman who was in Azalea's circle of dancer friends. "Pow, she dropped on the floor. This, however, was upsetting to her dance partner and the other dancers! And, stopped the music."

How very appropriate that the music stop! Or start. Something dramatic changed in that woman's life; sounds are a wonderful way to punctuate changes. A drum roll or song or harps or silence all seem appropriate, but business as usual seems insensitive, rude, or a way to deny the event. Soon after Azalea's experience, I had a similar experience on the dance floor, which I describe in To Dance with Jim His Last Dance.

On a Mountaintop

Erik Mendersen, Business Coach, is a mountain climber. "Each time I reach the top of a mountain, I feel a sense of completion. Perhaps there is a better word than 'complete' but I haven't yet found it."

"Complete" is a great word, and an important concept. Others may relate as much or more to such words as: whole, fulfilled, uplifted, enlightened, satisfied, enriched, inspired, empowered. This is a peak experience.

Erik is also familiar with work experiences that are satisfying and fulfilling. He says, "I sometimes have somewhat similar feelings when I'm working with a client, but that's not such a total experience as being on a mountaintop, hot and cold at the same time; exhilarated, panting and yet calm. I feel close to God. If I were to choose my time and place of death, it would be here."

While Sleeping, Swiftly, Painlessly

When I have had conversations about methods of physical death in the past, many mention the desire to leave the earth plane while asleep, unaware of leaving. The principle idea here is that the experience be painless and swift, as well as unconscious. I expect that persons who choose this approach are afraid of death, and especially of dying violently. Television and films are filled to overflowing with images of violent and painful deaths, so it is no wonder that when people are so graphically faced with these images that they find the opposite more appealing.

Surrounded By Friends And Family

Many who have been with a conscious dying friend or family member report such an experience to be deeply enriching. To watch the face soften, the light shine, and the fears lift are precious gifts to the living. Many who used to fear death, rarely do after such an experience. In fact they are far more likely to know that death is not at all what they thought it to be. It is more filled with love than most ordinary experiences of life.

Two years ago, Fred witnessed such a death, his father's. The two had become quite distant, but as his father approached the final days, Fred was prompted by his inner guidance to be present. Primarily, he wanted to say goodbye in love rather than remember their differences. "I was unprepared for what happened in the evening of second day. Dad said, 'I was visiting the other side last night. I'm ready to leave. It's very beautiful there. There's so much love that I almost did not come back to say goodbye. But I want you to know where I am going.'" Those were his father's last words. Between the words, between the pauses of the slowed speech, Fred heard a wealth of information.

In Bed, with Tubes

So far, I have heard no one describe the preferred method of physical death in the way that so many exit in these days of so-called "advanced technology": in bed, with tubes in orifices. In fact, I have heard nothing remotely like this. Perhaps this is the reason that the "living will" has become so popular.

A Living Will

A living will allows the individual to decide, when well and lucid, the conditions acceptable and unacceptable for living or for prolonging life artificially. You can create your own, work with an attorney, or use a standardized one which allows you to select the options you prefer.